Friday, March 21, 2014

Joy (Five Minute Friday--an exercise in writing for five minutes on one topic)                      
Bobbi Barnett-Dick

I didn't at first notice when joy left.  It was a gradual parting. She left when the mundane became the norm. When bills and bankruptcy piled so high I couldn't breathe. When  the tension between a husband and wife was more prevalent then the love they shared.

With boxes, un-open and stacked high  from an unwanted move from my dream home I took a job I didn't want because I had to.  With no time to grieve the loss of a life I loved I was plunged into the grief that came with the loss of three loved ones in three years. They weren't  just anyone. They were a mother, a sister, a friend. The grief was palpable. The anger and angst consuming.

I tried reading that gratitude book. Felt only slightly bad when it hit the wall after I threw it in desperation. I was grateful for a roof, for my children, for blue sky. But the roof was leaking the children had two sets of braces that needed to be paid for and the blue sky had long since turned gray and foreboding. What does anyone know of my pain

The crushing burden of it all hit one afternoon when I accepted that once again I could not afford to attend that Writer’s conference I had always dreamed of.  My dreams would have to be packed away…. again playing second fiddle to “real life”—jobs and duty and responsibility. Grabbing a tasteless granola bar from the cabinet where all of the low cal, low taste, fat-free, carb-free options piled high along with my self judgment, I bit into the crisp snack and both felt and heard the crack at the same moment. My molar and the granola bar entered a contest of wills and the molar lost. I spit out a piece of tooth just as I spit out my last bit of hope. I tried to be optimistic…at least it was not a front tooth. I could hide it while we tried to save money to have it repaired. But there was no use. Joy was gone, and now her dear friend Hope was taking flight as well.

Once alone in my room , I fall to my knees, crying out to God with a long list of “Whys.” Why did He turn other people’s pain to blessings, why did He give me dreams I couldn't fulfill and gifts I couldn't use? Why didn’t He love me like He loved others? Why? Why? Why? I am angry now.

Now I am on my face with carpet in my teeth, tears of self pity puddling under my cheek. I am clearly the ugliest I have ever been both physically and spiritually.  The door to my privacy opens and a teenager steps over my hysteria and asks for a ride to the mall.  They literally step over me, my puddles and my piles of used tissue to interrupt my much earned emotional breakdown and they ask me when I could be ready to take them to the mall. I stare at those carpet fibers twirled one around the other and begin the giggle. I giggle at my own childishness and imagine what God must be thinking right about now. The giggle gives way to laughter. I don’t know what is so funny, and my teen thinks I am nuts. Shaking his head he leaves. I believe he is right.


It is then, uninvited she returns. Joy dances into the room as laughter erupts from my comma of self pity.. She brings with her reminders that sooth me. Reminders of daily provision. Reminders of love returned…of gas in the tank….of children who sing….flowers that bloom….kisses that heal.  Joy returns. I have missed her.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

In Their Eyes

I was driving through what some would call the “rough side of town,” this week. I saw the high-heeled ladies outside of a seedy motel, the homeless man with his dogs, and what were probably run away teens teetering on the edge of a life without hope.  There was a time in my life when I looked away, as if my eyes were afraid to see them. I might have convinced myself, as we often do, that this place was dangerous. ---that looking too long might incur the anger of the addicts, pimps and prostitutes; however today I realize I have been looking away for other reasons.  Today I understand that I look away because despite the clean exterior of my life, I am all too aware that if I were to catch their eye and truly look into them, I would see myself staring back.

I have been broken, abandoned and wounded just as they. I am here in the comfort of my home surrounded by my husband, sons and photographs of precious memories only by the grace of God. I have looked outside of my Creator for love and purpose and followed whomever, when my frailty left me desperate for belonging. I have been on the edge of hopelessness. Truth be told I have fallen deep into the chasm of that hopelessness and were it not for the saving hand of Jesus lifting me out, I would be standing on the very streets as those whose eyes I avoided. 

No, I am not an addict or a drunk. I am not a prostitute or delving into alternative lifestyles—but I could be. I am a sinner just like the rest. I know how deep the wounds are; how easily swayed I can be. I know that because of abuse, neglect and addiction I could be anyone of those individuals I passed that morning.  Yet but for the grace of God…

God’s grace isn’t measured by what blessings He has showered on us but by what sin He has saved us from. I see me when I look in their eyes.

I made a new friend this week—a woman possessed by a passion to be Jesus’ hands and feet to those on the street corners in the “rougher side of town.” Dana Bryant is transforming lives through her organization, Crossing the Jordan. She and her husband Mike follow Jesus into the beautiful places that are the hearts of women and men in need of a life transformed. Through Crossing the Jordan, those in need are receiving help with addiction, housing, jobs, parenting skills, Bible study, and more. Dana looks at the women she ministers to and sees beauty and strength.  May we do the same and see ourselves reflected back in their eyes.


For more information about Crossing the Jordan or to participate in their fundraising gala the “Not Forgotten Ball” go to www.crossingthejordan.org

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Trying a New Path

(originally posted April 25th 2012)
I began a personal challenge this month and it is proving to be the most difficult thing I have ever attempted. Let me provide a little background: For the last few years I have been working full time, finishing my dissertation, starting a counseling/coaching/speaking ministry, and writing my soon to be best -selling book (tongue in cheek.) I have been doing, or should I say attempting, all of this while trying to be a wife and mother and find my place within the ministry of my church. I have failed miserably on most accounts.
As I looked at myself and my life, I discovered something important. I was desperately unhappy. The necessity t work gave me less time to devote to my ministry, dissertation and writing, the things that feed my soul and energize me. The demands of maintaining a home, marriage and children seemed impossible to fulfill in a manner that satisfied those in my life and accomplished the goal of making them feel like a priority, rather than an interruption to my schedule. How do I balance meeting the needs of others with meeting my own needs?
Everything came to a head one afternoon after many attempts to work on a writing project and my dissertation, I had cleaned house to not only my satisfaction, but to the stringent standards of my more discriminating husband, I thought I had covered everything and would finally address my own list of "to-dos." It was at that moment, when I sat down at the computer, that my husband asked if I would "like," to help with the yard work. I voiced my honest opinion. "No." I would not like to help with the yard work. I would rather not leave my just warmed up seat to work in the yard. I had things I wanted to do, things that I had put off for many days. My poor husband innocently voiced that he always did the yard work and he would like me to help; "But," he said, "I want you to want to help." Well that wasn't going to happen. How could I make myself want to help? When would it ever be my turn to do what I wanted? When would my dreams be fulfilled and my needs be satisfied? I begrudgingly closed the laptop, resentment oozing from every pore. I plastered a fake smile on and went outside where I spent the rest of the day pulling weeds, until all of my inspiration for writing had boiled over and dried up and it was time to start making dinner, I cried self-pitying tears that night, bemoaning the fact that there is never anytime to achieve my goals, my dreams, my hopes. I had no control over my time--over my life.
I decided that night that was no room for me in my life. I would just have to put what I wanted aside, even if I felt it was God's plan for me to be in ministry,. What I actually did was trip and fall into servant-hood with a big chip on my shoulder. It started off as a cynical surrender of myself. (Think of Cinderella with an attitude.) I woke up the next day and immediately started laundry and the dishwasher while I got myself and my children ready for school/work. I defrosted dinner while I packed lunches and washed the dishes before my husband could have a chance to. When I came home from work, when I wanted to sit and stare at the wall, I picked up other's belongings, folded laundry and cleaned toilets. When the house was clean, I drove to the hardware store and purchased a refill for the "weed wacker," and wacked my heart out in our backyard. "I'll show them," I thought, with all of the drama of Katherine Hepburn. "I'll only do for others." "I'll demonstrate what I believe is true; I just don't matter." I cleaned out my teenager's closet, made my elementary age son's bed and restrung my junior higher's guitar (ok so I didn't go that far.) But I did everything that I could think of that would prove to whomever was watching, (as if someone was) that I was going to be a selfless martyr. I didn't just do these and other duties, I did them instantly. If I was in the middle of a project, television show, or book, I instantly stopped what I was doing to do for another. If I just finished one chore and was asked to do something else, I jumped up with as much energy and joy as I could muster and tackled the next request. I also made a conscious decision to not ask anyone to do for me what I could do for myself. (more on this exhausting experience next time.)
A funny thing happened somewhere around week two. My heart changed. Instead of an "I'll show them," attitude, I developed a "How can I show them," attitude. How can I show my husband that he us loved? Acts of service. How can I show my boys they are loved? Notes on the mirrors and homemade chocolate chip cookies (husband likes those too.) Week three cane and went and the oddest thing happened, My anger subsided. I had deep conversations with my sons and my husband asked me on a date. Well as least as close as you come after 19 years, three kids and two dogs. Coffee at Peet's and a nice talk.
I have decided that when I have exhausted every possibility to serve those in my life and I have prayed to see those opportunities that I don't naturally see, and performed those tasks, I will pull out that laptop and write and dream. For this season in my life I need to learn the sacred steps of servant-hood. I'll keep you posted on how my journey continues; but what I have discovered as of now is this: When I lay my plans, hopes and dreams down at the foot of the cross and search, really search for opportunities to serve my family, I am being more Christ-like than I ever was when I tried to "do" ministry.
Please post your thoughts directly to the blog and let's talk.
Posted by Arms Wide Open Ministry at 7:39 PM
7 comments:

Suzanne Larson, EFCA Pastor's WifeApril 21, 2011 at 9:56 PM
Keep Pressing In, Bobbi... Keep Pressing In!

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mundayfamily3April 21, 2011 at 10:02 PM
Wow, I have to tell you I have been going through pretty much the same feelings since January...I don't matter and am just a work horse! So I thought...last month I realized that doing all the day to day things that served my family and my job was exactly what made me special and complete. I have also found that seeing me do these things with a servants heart and putting my needs aside did not go unnoticed. My husband starting going out of his way to help me and I did not have to ask. Now that's a gift from God. I really appreciate your sharing because it does make me feel not alone and I find it a confirmation that I am on the right path. It is even harder when your children are grown because you really have to work at being a part of their day to day life and although it takes time I may want to spend on me it is well worth it and in the end what I want....and that is to make my family happy. When I gave away the resentment God replaced it with contentment...does that make sense?

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kimmiebApril 21, 2011 at 10:18 PM
Wow!! I have often asked myself how you do it all, cuz I just feel that there are times I have failed miserably! Being a single mom, working, helping friends or family, or Scouts with different things, has left me feeling unappreciated and depressed. It's time to give it up to Jesus, and listen to His word. I know that He wants me to serve others. I know this deep in my heart, what I need to learn is do so with a willing heart and not a poor little me attitude. When I let go of my feelings of resentment and begin to serve with a servant's heart, I know that my attitude will change. I love you sooo much and I am so very proud of you!

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ReneeApril 21, 2011 at 10:47 PM
Thank you Ya Ya from your Ya Ya Petite (Renee)it is what I to am going through and I have not even gone back to work yet from my surgery. I feel like I am being pulled in all these different directions and there is not enough of me to go around. I tend to let it get to me and stress out that there is not enough time, but I know if I do everything allowing God to guide me then he will give me the time I need to get what HE wants me to get done not what I feel needs to get done. I luv u and miss u!

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Linda StrawnApril 25, 2011 at 12:48 PM
Bobbi, Your words resonated big time with me. Lately, I've been feeling the effects not with how much time I spend on "me", but on the time spent on other things outside the family. Although these other things are worthwhile, they caused my plate to "overfloweth" due to the fact that I had a hard time saying "no". I reached a boiling point last month that forced me to take a long, hard look at how I've been budgeting my time. I sought the Lord and He directed me to painfully resign from some of the activities I've been involved in. I've discovered not only a tremendous sense of relief, but that life can go on quite well without my help and input. It's far better to do a few things well, than to do many things halfheartedly and with resentment.
~Linda

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9860a8bc-7031-11e0-b52c-000bcdca4d7aApril 26, 2011 at 11:18 AM
Well said and lived, my friend. May God continue to teach us such humility and servanthood, even when we're kicking and screaming at first. =)

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BobbiApril 26, 2011 at 9:40 PM
Terrye, so glad that you posted. Yes it DOES make sense. Just when we think we have matured in our relationship with the Lord, we realize (at least I do) how far I need to go. Christ was the ultimate example of servanthood and calls us to be like Him as completely as possible. For me this means serving my family despite my desires to accomplish anything else. Just when I think I am doing it, I realize there is more to do. The truth is we are called to be even more than a servant. We are called to be a SLAVE. Whew! Don't think I am very good at that. One thing that rang true for me this week was realizing that in any relationship I am called to give 100% of me. It's not about giving 50% and waiitng to get %50 back from the other. I have to give 100% at all times. All we can do is keep trying to do our best for Christ, one day at a time.

Lives Interrupted

(originally posted Jan. 25, 2011)
You know those times when you are moving along life's path, reaching towards the goals you believe that God has placed in your life when suddenly, BAMM! something unexpected happens? You sought the Lord and pursued the direction which you felt led to follow; however, along the way financial sources dry up, a child is born with special needs, a job is lost, a marriage is shaken and your plans,those plans that you felt originated with God, are derailed... interrupted. I am reading a study on Jonah, by Priscilla Shirer where she says, "Interruptions have a way of revealing whether we really mean it when we say, 'Lord, not my will but Yours be done.' " How do we respond when this happens? How do we know when an interruption is an attempt to lead us off course and when God has sent it to direct us towards a new course? When is it interruption and when is it intervention? What are your thoughts?

On another subject: some of you have asked why you don't appear on the bottom of the blog page as a "follower." You can become a follower by clicking on the "follow" button OR you can subscribe to the blog by entering your email address in the subscribe box. Only those who are "followers" have there names posted at the bottom of the blog page; however either way you should be automatically notified when there is a post on the blog. Hope this info helps.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Bobbi
Posted by Arms Wide Open Ministry at 2:36 PM

2 comments:


Arms Wide Open MinistryFebruary 2, 2011 at 12:51 PM
test post

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Arms Wide Open MinistryFebruary 2, 2011 at 12:53 PM
OK friends, I don't know exactly why but some of you have said that your comments don't display on the blog. I did two test posts and one came through and one didn't???
All I can say is keep trying.

The Posture of Christ

(originally posted January 18 2011)
So I have been noticing Jesus' posture lately as I read my Bible. Yes, I know that out of all of the theological concepts that I could focus on, this seems an odd one, but it all started when I was looking at Mark chapter 5. In this passage, Jesus is touched by the woman with the flow of blood and she receives healing and "he turns to face her." Did He need to turn to her? Did He need to acknowledge her? No, in fact, socially speaking, it was completely the wrong thing to do; but, He chose to do so. He chose to place upon her the dignity that, one made in God's image deserved, by acknowledging her when the rest of the world had refused to do so. When Jesus ends an evening meal with his friends, he takes the posture of a servant, and on his knees, washes their feet. Is this posture required of Him? Of course not, but in assuming this posture He teaches us about humility, service and love. When Jesus speaks to the Pharisees who have caught a woman in the act of adultery, He bends down and begins writing in the sand a message that we are not privy to. What does His posture demonstrate to us? To me it reminds me to not look so closely at the sins of another when I have plenty of my own. It reminds me of Jesus' compassion as He takes the focus off of the offender and on to something else, and in so doing, alleviates her humiliation for the moment. And what about his posture in the temple when He discovered it occupied by thieves and money changers? He was no shrinking violet when faced with the blasphemous acts of those in attendance. He was fiercely protective of His father's house and His posture shows this as He gathered whip in hand, to intimidate offenders into fleeing and turned tables of those selling sacrifices.
The posture that Christ took throughout His earthly ministry was revealing, but none as much as the one He took last. At the cross Christ opened His arms wide and both surrendered and embraced at the same time. He surrendered Himself to the plan of His father. After His very human prayer to have "this cup pass," Christ chose to not only pick up His cross and carry it, but to be nailed upon it with a viciousness that we will never know. What his enemies didn't realize is that they pinned Him into the perfect posture for receiving--His arms wide open. This was God's plan all along. With His arms wide open, he surrendered himself and embraced our sin, and in so doing, made it possible for us to enter into eternal relationship with Him.
As you may have noticed, the name of my speaking/counseling/coaching/writing ministry is Arms Wide Open Ministry. I hadn't thought about this final posture of Christ when I picked the name, but I do love what the posture reminds me: To live my life in such a way that I am in constant surrender to God's plans for me and to therefore receive all that he decides to lavishly pour into my life. When the time comes that I fulfill my purposes on this earth and Jesus invites me to join him in heaven, I imagine the heavenly gates opening and the obligatory clouds parting to reveal my Heavenly Father greeting me.... with arms wide open.

What are your thoughts? Press the "comments" tab and share your thoughts.
Posted by Arms Wide Open Ministry at 7:17 PM
Labels: christian life, heaven, Jesus, posture of Christ, sacrifice

1 comment:

kimmiebJanuary 18, 2011 at 10:36 AM
Wow!! This makes me think of how many times I approach Jesus with my arms closed around me when I should have MY arms wide open to Him and ready to receive His plan for me!!

Thoughts on the New Year

(originally posted Jan. 1 2011
Annie Dillard writes, "How you spend your days, is how your spend your life." I've been thinking about this for the last few days as a new year looms ahead. Some spend their days angry over circumstances and end up at the end of their days with an angry life. Some spend their days waiting for others to fix their problems and end up with a life lived as a victim. The thing that I fear, is having a life filled with regrets. Regrets at things undone; words unspoken or unwritten; relationships not experienced, purposes unfulfilled. I wonder how this will effect my moments and therefore my days and in turn, my life. Often I am so distracted by yearning to fulfill my life, that life itself is sneaking by. Can I reset my internal self to find joy in the "now" instead of longing for the "when?" When this project is finished then..... when we have the property then.....when I loose the weight then.....what about the now? I wonder how much of life we yearn away? Some slogan, somewhere stated, "Live the possibility!" Yet do we miss this present reality by doing so? How often do we sit in the moment in which we find outrselves and notice the surroundings? The voices of our loved ones? The chair under our body? The smells in the air? Even the fears in our hearts?
I plan to be more alive to each day this new year and more thakful for each moment I have. I hope to experience days that will be filled with contentment so that in the end I may have lived a life of contentment. I suspect that I will still find moments to dream without losing the reality of the dream that I am living...this amazing life that God has given me for this moment. Happy New Year.
Posted by Arms Wide Open Ministry at 1:08 PM
Labels: contentment, new year, purpose
5 comments:

Arms Wide Open MinistryJanuary 1, 2011 at 9:08 PM
Hi Bobbi,
Kim Barnett commented on your link.
Kim wrote: "I really love this one!! Really makes me think about "it" all. I am going to try to keep "when" out of my vocabulary!!!!"

Reply

Arms Wide Open MinistryJanuary 1, 2011 at 9:10 PM
Hi Bobbi,
Nancy Stratford Thompson commented on your link.
Nancy wrote: "I like it, I know I spend to much time on the "if only state of mind". And Im with Terrye the one before I love ...but it had me in tears. I love you i"

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Arms Wide Open MinistryJanuary 1, 2011 at 9:11 PM
Hi Bobbi,
Terrye Stratford-Munday commented on your link.
Terrye wrote: "Great blog Bobbi....I love the concept and am going to try to do this....the blog before it made me cry....love you and thanks for posting....I subscribed a long time ago but here is the only place I get updates...maybe I am doing something wrong...xo"

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Arms Wide Open MinistryJanuary 1, 2011 at 9:14 PM
Hi Bobbi,
I thoroughly enjoyed your blog post! You are an gifted writer :))
Happy New Year to you...
Love,
Yvonne

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Arms Wide Open MinistryJanuary 1, 2011 at 9:16 PM
Hi Bobbi - Thanks for the blog. Do you write for 'Open Ministry'? Janis

Takes My Breath Away 

(origianlly posted March 28, 2010)

"Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away." anonymous

I had one of those moments this week when I witnessed my thirteen year old son stroke the hair and face of his dying grandmother. It is a difficult time for our family. That can't be denied. We traveled to Los Angeles so my boys could visit their grandmother one last time. Her health is failing and it will not be long before she leaves this world to dance in the streets of heaven. I wondered how my sons would do in this difficult moment. My husband and I gave them the option to come into the room or not; to speak or not; to come closer or stay away. But despite the fact that grandma can no longer open her eyes or respond to them; despite the tubes and contraptions and even the rank smells that are often found in a nursing home, my 13 year old son exhibited the grace and strength of one much older and wiser. He stroked my mother's hair that has now grown longer and whiter. He caressed her check that is no longer "made up" with dusty rose blush (her favorite,) and squeezed her hand that can no longer feel his loving touch. I watched as my child comforted my dying mother.... and it took my breath away.

Moments like these are like catching a glimpse of God. Like feeling His spirit brush up against ours and a little chill rushes down our body, that suddenly causes our breath to be caught in our throat.

Dying before her time, my mother will be missed. However it's amazing that in the darkness there is light and in death there is hope.

May God take your breath away today.
Posted by Arms Wide Open Ministry at 7:51 PM
Labels: children, christian life, death
2 comments:

Arms Wide Open MinistryMarch 29, 2010 at 9:09 PM
Bobbie, you glorify God by the fact that you are alive and breathing... Then you go and magnify his glory even more by giving your heart to him. One of the reasons your mom will dance so enthusiastically in Heaven is she will see more perfectly than you or I the beauty you continue allowing God to fashion in the depth of your heart. Thank you for being a sign of healing and renewal and restoration and hope. This blog is a beacon of hope, a witness to the power of God. My heart aches to ponder what you endured as a child, but joy replaces that ache to see what God is doing in you. Blessings on your dear mom who got her church to pray for my own mom when she was said to be near death. May all consolation be with you and Kim and both of your families. Much love (and prayer) from the boy who lived across the street a hundred years ago. Michael

Reply

kimmiebMarch 30, 2010 at 7:31 PM
You, my dear sister, have an amazing gift. I love you! :)
(Originally posted on Arms Wide Open Blog March 2010)

Living With Your Arms Wide Open

Welcome to the inaugural edition of the AWOM blog!
I am so excited to be standing at the edge of this new venture. Of course, in honor of true humility and honesty, I must admit that I am also a bit afraid. I have put off the starting of this venture many times; worried about "doing it right." Have you ever struggled with the feelings of wanting to do, whatever it is you're doing, perfectly, or not do it at all? I know that I do. Often. There is nothing like putting forward your best effort, only to find that it wasn't quite good enough. It reminds me of another woman who committed herself to the Lord wholeheartedly, only to be met with criticism. Look at Mark 14:3-9. Jesus is relaxing at the dinner table with friends when he is approached by a woman carrying a jar of very expensive perfume. The courage she demonstrated by coming forward at all, in this male dominated setting, is beyond belief! But the fact that she acted upon her faith in Christ, and then annointed Him with the perfume she carried, is truly remarkable. She took what was her best and gave it to the Lord...an amazing offering. But instead of receiving praise for her show of adoration, she is immediately criticized. "Why this waste of perfume? It could have been sold for at least a year's wages, and the money given to the poor," She was scolded by the disciples. Scripture says she was "rebuked HARSHLY." They didn't see her intention. They didn't look at her heart. She did her best and it wasn't good, for some. But if the disciples didn't see her heart, Jesus did. "Leave her alone," He said. I love that! Jesus comes to her defense! He is on her side. He is on our side as well. So I am posting this first ever AWOM blog in the spirit of the beautiful offering of the woman with the perfume. I will do the best that I can to serve the Lord. I will live with my arms wide open, being the "display of His splendor," to the best of my ability because that is indeed what Arms Wide Open Ministry is all about--having the freedom to live our best life for our Savior. I look forward to hearing from any of you. ---Bobbi (P.S. Visit the Arms Wide Open website at armswideopenministry.com)
Posted by Arms Wide Open Ministry at 5:12 PM


2 comments:

LindaSMarch 2, 2010 at 10:49 PM
This is wonderful, Bobbi. I'll be praying for you as God leads. I can relate to your hesitation to begin this journey for fear of not doing it right, but God still honors our stepping out in faith even if we're late bloomers. He's in control of what happens and when anyway. I'm glad He's at the helm.
~Linda Strawn

Reply

Wade OdumMarch 4, 2010 at 7:32 PM
Go for it, Bob. I feel confident to say that throughout all the life that has seen the light of day, I have always believed in you and known, first hand, that you can do anything through Him, when you set your mind to it; you always have.

Keep going-
-w