Choosing Your Battles

Moments ago my peace and quiet was interrupted by what sounds like Romeo and Juliet. Loud strong male voices assaulted my serene morning. Now, with three young men in my home, I can be pretty sure that none of them felt the need to pop a little Shakespeare into the dvd player and turn the volume up to a deafening level, but I thought I should check. I needed to check because my inspiration was waufting away like steam rising from a kettle, while my frustration was boiling like the water inside. Had I just paused and thought it through I would have known that on a Saturday morning at 9:00 a.m. no teenage boy is awake enough to even turn on the dvd player let alone appreciate the beauty of romantic siliques.  When I was assured they were all snug in their beds like giant pigs in a blanket, I made my way to the window and realized that my neighbor was listening to a book on tape—at an ear piercing level. Perhaps they wanted to hear it outside where they were working in the garden—and hear they could; as could I and all of the surrounding houses; inside and out.  Now you have to know that what seems like a simple problem with a simple solution isn’t. There is a history here. There have been other confrontations. Let’s just say we have different boundaries than our beloved neighbors. As nice and kind as they may be, (and they are), there has been a history of cars parking across our driveway so we are held captive in our cars or home, children climbing over the fence into our backyard to ask about the wisdom of our removing the dough- boy pool that came with the house, sunrise meetings ( yes I mean at dawn) on their property each week- day morning, attended by 20 or so vocal participants and the many “informational pamphlets” left on our front porch.  Conversations about these events have left things a bit strained which was confirmed when we overheard them discussing with their guests one afternoon, our “insane need” to have the ability to back out of our driveway whenever we wanted.  So excuse me if I don’t don some courage and run over and ask the neighbor to turn the fatally afflicted love birds down. It is a matter of choosing our battles. I will try to wait it out this time because there may be another issue on the horizon that is more urgent, so is it really necessary to turn this into a hill upon which I will stand and fight.

It’s a life lesson isn’t it? Look at parenting for instance. If we hold up to our children each and every thing that is not to our liking, they will tune us out—maybe permanently.  Sometimes we choose our battles, because quietly picking up the 24 dirty cups that appeared on the counter since we did dishes last night is better than complaining about it one more time. Maybe showing a little grace in one area gives us space to be heard when we need to bring up a concern in a more important area.  (No you may not drive yourself to Denny’s at 2:00 a.m.,--just as the bars are closing down, to have a late night breakfast with the rest of the basketball team.—And no I’m not driving you either.)

This is true for our other relationships as well, spouse, family friends, and equally important--ourselves. Choose your battles with yourself. You can be room mom, work outside of the home, make gourmet dinners, keep up a vibrant relationship with the Lord, volunteer in your church ministry, eat healthy and workout each day, put together a life changing baby shower for your friend, volunteer to lead VBS, and still have enough energy left to light a spark of romance with your husband, but should you. When you can’t do it all, do you beat yourself up for your shortcomings? Choose your battles. You can be a great mom and serve up a grocery store, rotisserie chicken for dinner. You can take care of your health but maybe delay your entrance in the Boston Marathon for this year. What are the things that aren’t negotiable for you? Where can you choose to give up the battle in order to win the war? Marriage, family, a few moments of quiet with the Lord, these are some of the things I will choose to battle for. Messy kisses and stories at bed time don’t last forever so don’t succumb to the battle of dust bunnies and dirty dishes. Choose what matters most for now. Let’s put our energies toward something of eternal worth: hugs and love, and peace and Jesus not organized cupboards, size 2 jeans, and noisy neighbors. Choose your battles, save your energy and maybe appreciate a little Shakespeare.

You are My Delight

“No more will anyone call you rejected,

and your country will no longer be called ruined.

You'll be called ‘Hephzibah.’ “
Isaiah 62:4

 

Hephzibah, “His delight,”--hard to imagine some days. The Creator of the Universe calls me by name and He has named me His “delight.”

 Truth be told, I don't feel the part most days. With the title comes images of perfect generosity, perfect humility, perfect wisdom and servant-hood, not to mention internal and external beauty as described in Proverbs. He couldn't possibly delight in me when I am short tempered with my children or protective of my alone time to the extent that fangs show and eyes glare when I am asked to do one more thing; drive one more trip to the mall, take on one more project for a co-worker or run one more errand for a family member.  When my hair is frizzy and I haven't had time for a shower I don't feel like anyone's “delight,” but that is what He says I am.

 

The suggestion that I am delightful could trigger scoffs and howls of laughter from my dear husband—although maybe a “humph” accompanied by eye rolling would be more accurate when on those all to frequent days I forget to carry the balance forward in the checkbook—or even worse make a subtraction error giving us the false illusion that there is more money in our bank account than reality proves to be true. It might be called in to question by my three boy-men who have to hear me complain about odors wafting from their rooms and growing collections of cups, bowls and plates that cover their desks and dressers . Being “delightful” in my eyes or the eyes of others is quite a stretch some days. But somehow whatever the circumstance, whatever the state of frizz, or mathematical mess-ups He delights in me. Awe inspiring isn't it

“He rescued me because he delighted in me.” Psalm 18:19

“You will be called Hephzibah for the Lord will take delight in you.”

Isaiah. 62:4

 

Soak it in sister. You are His Delight.

My One Word

Have you heard of My One Word? It is a book that has become a movement of sorts. The premise is; “Lose your long list of resolutions—all your sweeping promises to change and do something about one thing this year instead of nothing about everything. Choose one word that represents what you most hope God will do in you, and focus on it for an entire year.” My One Word, Ashcraft and Olsen 2012

I’ve been muddling around deciding between two words for a few weeks now. With things like this I tend to be a perfectionist. Somehow unconsciously believing that there is one word that is the perfect word. Just like I think there is one perfect way to write a blog post or an article or to paint a picture, or say I am sorry or decorate cupcakes or a million other things and I procrastinate myself into paralysis, accomplishing nothing. Hence my one word: Courage

Whew! Courage--a scary word to me. I have been fearful all of my life. Fearful of more things than I can list and for more reasons than can say here. Now there are people who know me that would argue this and list different accomplishments that would prove their case: Marriage, children (you don’t enter those places timidly), Africa, a short lived music career, graduate school, speaking engagements…they think that because I have done those things I am courageous. I am not. There are many more undone, half-done things in my life because I was too fearful of completing them. I have been afraid of not being accepted, loved, respected, valued. I have been afraid of being laughed at or pitied. What if I didn’t succeed? What if I did? When will that moment come when the curtain will fall and I will be exposed as a fraud? Someone who doesn’t belong, doesn’t

 have skill, doesn’t deserve—fill in the blank.

So because I need it so badly I have chosen the word COURAGE. I think by choosing that word I have done my first courageous thing.

The ”My One Word” book recommends putting your word all around your environment to remind you of your focus throughout the year. I went on an internet search for sayings and images of courage and came across the most simple and beautiful one and made it the screen saver on both my phone and computer. It comes from C.S. Lewis’ book Voyage of the Dawn Treader. When I picked the saying I didn’t know the background despite having read the book years ago. As it goes, the children and crew of the Dawn Treader are on a dangerous journey when Aslan, in the form of an albatross appears.

 “It called out in a strong sweet voice what seemed to be words though no one understood them. After that it spread its wings, rose, and began to fly slowly ahead, bearing a little to starboard. Drinian steered after it not doubting that it offered good guidance. But no one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, “Courage, dear heart,” and the voice she felt sure was Aslan.”

 God is with us. He takes unfamiliar forms and uses unfamiliar means but He is there guiding us-- if we have eyes to see. So if He is leading the way why not have courage? Why not jump in and pursue my dreams, my purpose, my passions? What could happen? Oh yeah. A lot could happen; but some of it is good and I’m ready to take a chance. I’m ready to be courageous and follow His leading wherever that will be. Are you?

Pick a word for your year and share it here. Let's encourage each other with our stories of real life.